Time seems to have slipped away again

Where did the time go... when did my children just sprout up in front of my eyes!! Tonight as I was putting dishes up from the dishwasher, Gray helped me... he handed me every dish one by one to be put up! I know its a small gesture, but it made me think, "wow, he's really growing up". Karlynn is trying to sit up on her own... she will rise up to try and sit up but, she hasnt quite got the hang of it!! It seems like I just brought her home from the hospital!!! Naturally when things like this hit me I wonder what my lil Karson would be doing. With his 3rd birthday fast approaching I am constantly reminded that he isn't here... which is so hard, still, for me to grasp.

It has been a while since I have posted but I have been super busy! These two lil monsters keep me on my toes these days, so when bedtime rolls around I am never too far behind them. I have had some pretty trying times these past 2 weeks but thankfully I am overcoming it, and thankfully my husband has been an AMAZING encourager! It is always the best feeling to know that you have a man who supports you 150% and will always be by your side. It makes me proud to know that my marriage gets stronger everyday even when he is halfway around the world!

Tomorrow I am hosting a party for a very close family friend of ours who lost the majority of her things in a house fire that occured earlier this month! I have been very excited about this because it is always a rewarding feeling to know that you are helping someone out especially when it is such a fantastic person. This, also, has kept me pretty busy with getting invitations, food, and everything together for it... I am also excited about it because my bff Kacey is helping with the party! Any time spent with her is ALWAYS exciting for me!

This past weekend me and my sister went to see Jason Aldean for her birthday... it was amazing to get away with her and remind myself why I love her so much! She is crazy and fun, and truly a blessing in my life and it is always great to spend time with her! Of course, we acted like fools... dancing and singing like lunatics... but thats what life is all about! Spending time and making memories with the people that we love the most~

In a couple of weeks I will be going to FL to go look at some future possibilities for our next home! This is always exciting because its almost like picking out the perfect photo album to hold all of your treasured pictures! This next home will be the cradle of so many memories... as have all of our homes! Every home we have lived in has had a special memory, either it was the first home for one of my children, where one of them first walked, one of them first talked... and so on. I am excited to be getting out of MS too. This past week has been a bit too hectic for my liking and I am in desperate need of a break and an excuse to get away and not be expected to do anything that I don't want to! Agh- like a mini vacation if you will...

anyways- Karylnn is rolling all over this bed and I am very very exhausted... and tomorrow will be a LONG day! GOODNIGHT!

what makes a good mommy anyway???

“A mother's love for her child is like nothing else in the world. It knows no law, no pity. It dares all things and crushes down remorselessly all that stands in its path.”
-Agatha Christie

I have posted this quote numerous times on my facebook because when I feel powerless, or beaten by the cruelties of this derranged world, I read it and it empowers me!!! Oh how much truth there is to be discovered in this single quote!

There are not many things that can stop me when it comes to protecting my childen. They are my responsibility and I don't take their protection or health lightly. I love them more than life itself and I love for the world to know it! There is no stronger force I will ever know like the love I have for my 3 babies.

Just thought I would start by getting that off of my chest! Sometimes I feel as though people do not take me serious as a young mom, and it makes me flat out FURIOUS! What makes a mother so great?? It definitely isn't age. I know SEVERAL older mothers who would still in their old age chose partying and a good time over a night in with their children any day. To be honest, those mothers make me want to snatch them up by their little tiny heads with their little tiny brains and shake them until I might possibly shake some sense into their worthless brain!!!

It also doesn't take a college degree or a full time job to be a great mom either. Again, I know PLENTY of mothers with a college degree and a high paying full time job who would chose spending their hard earned money on a babysitter, and a case of beer! I mean WAKE UP PEOPLE! Children are a priceless gift from God! They are little beings that depend on US MOMS for positive upbringings and the right knowledge and life skills to send them on their own life journeys one day! How can they gain these teachings if you are too busy focusing on yourself instead of the beautiful little one you call your child! I wish so badly I could open the eyes of some people, because there is hope for the young generations being born... but there won't be if we don't raise them right.

In no way am I saying I am a perfect mom, but I sleep peacefully at night knowing that I give 210% to my babies. I give them all the love I possibly can, and I do my best to teach them right from wrong!!! I care for them better than ANYONE in this world can, and their health and wellbeing are my #1 priority!!! I dare someone to try and stand in the way of me protecting my babies!! I know I feel sorry for the person that ever tries to jeopardize their lives in any way, shape, or form!!!

ok.

I will step off of my soapbox now!

sooo...

How 'bout them Saints!! :)

Hope you all have a WONDERFUL week!!!

Here are a few pics of 2 little angels that make my heart beat <3

My God is so BIG!

This past week has been hard, real hard. We reached the 2 month mark of our deployment, and for some reason I had a longing for my baby boy so deep that it just put me in a deep dark place. There are so many days that I literally do not know how I will make it through the day and how I can possibly bear a smile for my sweet babies. People ask me so many times how do I do it, how do I make it look so easy. The only conclusion I can gather is that I have a God, that loves me enough to take my on my pain, and carry me through this journey I'm on, all I have to do is cry out to him. And my oh my do I cry out to him... But Amy Grant said it so beautiful when she sang: "We pour out our miseries, God just hears a melody. Beautiful the mess we are, the honest cries of breaking hearts, are better than a hallelujah sometimes."

We were eating supper a few nights ago and my dear nephew said this, word for word!!
"Rii Rii, you know what??? MY God is SO big!" My heart nearly exploded in delight! A 3 year old gets it, but yet so many people don't. Yes, our God is so big, so strong and so mighty, there is nothing my God cannot do!!! He knows that song, and it is so true!!! God can take on the worries of this world just to make it easier on his people!!!

I admit, a year and a half ago, my walk with our Lord was not what it should have been... but through the loss of my baby, it brought me to my knees! I hate it took that horrible event to bring me back. This past year has brought me through the darkest of valley's and shown me there is light and a new day for those who just trust in our God.

God has shown me that when it seems that we cannot go any further, and that we are so broken that we feel the world should just end... he is still there, and to never give up hope. There is beauty in all things, we may not see it now, and we may never see the reasoning in some things... but there is peace in knowing that there is a bigger picture, and there is someone with a masterplan and he knows the best for us all!

While reading a bible study for military wives that a dear friend gave me I came across this scripture:

 ⁷ I will praise the Lord. He gives me good advice.
      Even at night my heart teaches me.
 ⁸ I know that the Lord is always with me.
      He is at my right hand.
      I will always be secure.
 ⁹ So my heart is glad. Joy is on my tongue.
      My body also will be secure.

Psalm 16:7-9

For some reason this scripture put the biggest smile on my heart. Because it goes along so well with where I am in my life. I do praise God, bc he has given me the BEST advice. I know he is always with me, I feel his presence daily... especially when I feel I cannot go on. My heart is glad and joy is in my heart because I know he is at my right hand. Days when I do not know if I will even be able to force a smile for my sweet children are the days that end in laughter and great pleasure, ther is no better explanation for any of it other than it is the work of my miraculous Father!

So tonight as I go to bed with all this on my heart I pray that everyone feels his presence when they may be in the dark times of their life, because it was then in my darkest hour that God took me by the hand and led me to see his mercies that he pours down on his followers daily!

my other half

Simon Thomas Martin

He is the one thing in my life that I can always count on and I know he loves me soooo much.

Sure we had a shotgun wedding soon after I found out I was pregnant with Karson, but it was romantic and beautiful! He completes me and he has given me 3 beautiful babies. I could not ask for a better man to be their father. Watching him with Grayson is like watching a fairytale unfold. I never have to doubt his love for our family because it is always shown. He is without a doubt my hero, and my rock! God could not have picked a better man to be my partner through this journey.

He is in the U.S. Airforce and has sacrificed SO MUCH to make sure we are taken care of. It's a tough job that he does but he does it so courageously! He is the strongest man I know. He holds himself together so well which works out perfect for me because I am usually a mess, but he is the glue that holds me together. He has stood by my side through every bad thing that has come our way, which makes me have 150% faith in our marriage! He has seen me at my weakest and continued to love me, and has seen me at my best and loved me even more. We have gone through more in our three years of marriage than most couples ever go through! He never judges me, he keeps me in check and makes sure I always have my feet planted firmly in the ground. He makes me a better person and makes me want to continue to strive to be better! He knows me better than anyone in this world, and I could not imagine living one day of the rest of my life without him as my man! The best gift he ever gave me was his last name and I wear it proudly! He makes sure that I am taken care of and he rarely makes me do without... Yes, he spoils me BIGTIME!

Do we fight? Yes!

But it makes us stronger.

Do we have bad moments? Yes!

We are human and the bad times make us appreciate the good times.

Does he have bad qualities? Yes!

But his good qualities make it hard to see them most of the time.

Do I have bad qualities? Yes!

But he makes sure he tells me that he loves EVERYTHING about me, the good and the bad.

I am not trying to make Simon out to be some superhuman husband who does no wrong and is completely perfect... but he is COMPLETELY PERFECT FOR ME! I love every part of our marriage; the good, the bad, the ugly, and the beautiful! He is my heart, he is the better part of me, and he is my soul mate. I thank God for sending him to me everyday. He makes me look forward to spending the rest of my life with him and ONLY him!

"and so they lived, happily ever after"

<3

25 by 25

I have seen so many of these lists and it has got me to thinking that there are alot of things that I would like to do by the time I am 25 so I want to make a list and see how much I can check off!!!

I know a couple may be out of my power but hopefully with God's help I can complete alot of these!

1- Get a real estate job
2- Sell our home in GA
3- Visit NYC in the fall
4- Take a family vacation to Disney
5- Control my spending by living on a budget
6- Teach my children to ride a bike
7-  Go on a cruise just me and Simon
8- Learn calligraphy
9- Take a road trip to the west coast
10- Get to know the ladies of the 728th really well
11- Do crafts at least once a week with Gray and when Kar is big enough, her too
12- Visit the Ground Zero Memorial
13- Skydive
14- Swim with dolphins
15- Not go to bed angry with my man
16- Cook meals more often
17- Run a 5k
18- Run a 1/2 Marathon
19- Take the kids at least once a month to visit Karson's grave and make sure they know him
20- Join a church and a bible study group
21-  Have at LEAST one day a month where I devote myself to just one of my children and that day revolve around just "Gray" or just "Karlynn"
22- Work on having more patience with everyone in my life
23- Not cut my hair short for at least a WHOLE year
24- DECLUTTER
25- Have one more baby Martin :) ... okay maybe this should be on the before 30 list!!

Let the fun begin!!! I have 3 years..... Hope I get it all done!

Get crafty...

It may be strange, given the circumstances my little family has been through that I am completely happy with where our life is. I know their daddy is away, but with him gone we are learning the value of our family time.  We know our sweet Karson will never be with us here on earth again, but from him passing on we learned to value every moment we have with each other... That being said, I love they way my babies are now. I love that every day something new comes up. So I want to document it, I want to bottle it up and save it so one day I can look back at it and remember exactly how they were in this very moment!!!

All of this "feeling" brough up a crafty idea for our family to do on September 11. Yes, I am aware that Gray is only 17 months old (today acually) but tomorrow we are going to create a time capsule. I am so very excited about this. We are going to do handprints, and document everything he is into right now... and Karlynn is going to have a part in it too, I just gotta figure it out. But its more for me than them anyways... We will open it in 15 years one the 25th anniversary of September 11. I think it will be a fun way fo me to show them when they are 15 and 14 that even though Sept 11, 2001 didnt effect our family directly that year, that this year in 2011 it did, because their daddy deployed for the 1st time!

I am on a mission to plan cost friendly projects for us because I had to create a budget for myself to gear up for Christmas!

We will see how it turns out! I have been on a google search ALL night trying to figure out what all to do.

But I am exhausted, I have two babies cutting teeth today and Im sure the next few days won't be any better. I have blistered bottomed, sore mouth, cranky, and ill babies and that means it is PAST MY BEDTIME!

Hopefully tomorrow I will have pictures of our time capsule we made!!!

you make me better...

Grayson's love for his sister is astounding to say the least... I mean sure, he flipped her out of her carseat in Walmart. Then the time he forced her to suck on a magnetic dart because he insisted on taking her paci. Lets not forget the time that he was using her body as a ramp for his hot wheels... Sure it sounds like he has it out for her, but somehow it amazes me. He wants to play with her so bad! It is easy for me to over look all the bad times because then I see him hiding under her bouncer and popping up just to make her laugh like in the picture below... nevermind the fact that he just stole her purple paci from her mouth to satisify his craving for his which he couldn't find at the time.



These two kids are a mess... but it is a beautiful mess! He did manage to flip her carseat in the buggy at Walmart, and she fell out (in the buggy)... naturally I lost my temper but after it, he was so sweet to her. He knew he messed up, but all he wanted was for her to get up so he could play with her. Today we were outside playing and I made her a pallet in the wagon, and Gray insisted on pulling her around the yard... he loves to rock her in her rocker, a little too hard at times... but thats not the point. He loves her, and that makes me proud. I am proud to see that I am teaching my children how to love. He loves to give her kisses, and he starts everyday with a hug and a kiss for her. I know that it is a parents job to instill the good qualities in children and to teach them morals and how to understand life and reflecting on my children and the lives they live at this moment, I know I am doing the job right! (pat on my shoulder) Now, I am not bragging... I just happened to have a proud mommy moment and wanted to document it.

These two angels are my heart and soul. They fill my life with nothing but happiness minus the occasional headaches, but the happiness overcomes that! My joy in life is seeing their face light up when Grayson hears the ice cream truck... or Karlynn start to giggle when I'm feeding her bc I am talking to her in the "mommy voice" telling her she's mommy's chunky monkey. Their happiness is pure bliss for me and sometimes its just nice to know that I'm doing something right in this crazy/hectic/messed up world we live in! God gave me these blessings to teach them, raise them, give them roots and wings, and to make sure they know God is the answer to EVERYTHING in their lives. I pray every night that they develope a faith so strong that nothing will break the bond that they have with our Heavenly Father.

In my eyes they are perfect, perfect for me anyways... they were the answers to a prayer when I was longing to feel complete. I can honestly say that I have a purpose in this world and it's to be ALL that I can be for these 2, blue eyed miracles that I chase after, rock to sleep, laugh with, yell at, and dance with every day... for them I am eternally grateful!

Playing catch up..

I initially started this whole blog as a way for Simon to get a glimpse of what we do on a daily basis, because sometimes it is easier for me to sit down and reflect on the day and write down what we did rather than going into detail on the phone. Normally when he calls I never know how long we will have to talk so I am focusing on making sure he knows I love him and how proud I am of him and forget to include the small things that we did that day! So today I am goin to play catch up from the past few days...

Friday night was the start of a gloomy weekend. Hurricane Lee put quite a damper on any Labor Day festivities we had planned. But Fri DAY, it was gorgeous outside and some cooler weather made for a perfect day to spend outside with my babies! I do believe we were out there all day. I made Kar a big pallet outside in the shade and me and Gray played until he was so sleepy he couldnt stand it anymore! We went to Kid's Rule Friday night and Gray had a blast. He learned to go up the slides by himself and people couldnt believe he was only 17 months old because he was acting so "big". This put me straight into "proud mommy" and "yea, thats my big boy" mode. Friday also marked the 1st day that Karlynn was rolling COMPLETELY over on her own and laying on here belly holding her head up so very well... again, I was one proud mommy! It is bittersweet seeing my babies growing up. But Friday night, really late, the rain set in, thus ruing any outdoor plans we could have had the following days.

Saturday me and momma attempted to go to Hattiesburg to see what Labor Day sales we could find. But going out in a tropical storm with 2 babies was obviously not very smart, we got soaked! Gray thought it was hilarious going outside in the rain... He is finally beginning to mutter out phrases that "sound like" he is saying stuff, whether or not he is, I guess we'll never know!

On Sunday, being stuck inside was beginning to get to us! We were all going stir crazy, and poor Gray was standing at the door every 5 seconds practically begging to go outside. So I made him a fort, and he loved it and it kept his attention for about 45 mins... he would hide out in it, and run back and forth out of it. It was cute, then the coolness of it obviously wore off. Thankfully the Brady's came to the rescue!!! Melissa and her family came to stay, and Grayson has so much fun following Conner around and trying to be big like him. But I was determined to play outside Monday, rain or shine!

Well Monday, of course it was still raining so I set out to find rain boots and ponchos so we could play outside! The kids loved being out in the rain splashing in the mudpuddles! It took me back to when me and Mimi were little and we used to do the same. It's crazy how I find myself doing so many of the things I used to do as a child with my children... I just wish Karson was here to take part in all of this!

Although this weekend wasnt too eventful I found myself so thankful for the small memories that were made with my babies! I just wish their daddy and big brother could be a part in the memories... I guess a part of my memories will always have a big hole in them because I will always be wishing for that little piece (karson) to be there with us!

pics from the weekend :)

things change...

My babies are getting bigger, they are growing up... and it's happening right before my eyes, and honestly I'm not too sure I like it! Today Karlynn rolled completely over, with no hesitation and Simon got to watch her do it on Skype, and I could tell he was so proud :) It melted my heart to watch his eyes light up watching his daughter that he hardly knows. I hate saying that but its true... she was exactly 2 months old when he left, so there is no sugarcoating it, she doesn't know him. When he gets home she will be nearly 9 months old, there is no telling what she will be up to by then! Simon will come home to a completely different daughter than the one he left. And it tears me up insid knowing that.

Tonight while on Skype, Grayson sat and talked to his daddy for like 15 minutes, just like a big boy. Sitting indian style, using his hands with every single thing he said... "Ayyyy dadeee" "I ya you" (i love you) Of course Simon is the ONLY one he will halfway say words too, and I am perfectly okay with that! I am just happy that halfway around the world Simon gets to experience little pieces of their lives that are changing ever so quickly! I love watching Grayson's phone light up as the Skype call is connecting because he somehow knows that within a matter of seconds his daddy is about to appear and bless his heart he thinks he is really there! They play and talk and cut up just as if he were really here. I just sit back and watch and I am just amazed at how completely at peace Grayson is when his daddy is right in front of his face talking to him! I am blessed 120% and I am beyond thankful for these beautiful people he put in my life that complete my family!

Today was overall a near perfect day! We played outside almost all day so Grayson was in heaven, then we went and picked up Conner and went to Kid's Rule where again he was on cloud 9! I love days that are devoted strictly to my babies! I cannot wait until Karlynn is big enough to enjoy all the fun things I get to do with Gray!

AGHHHHHH!!!!!!

Is he EVER gonna talk! That seems to be all I hear myself saying. He whines til he gets his way most of the time. It's been driving me crazy but tonight I let it all go! We were on our way home from Florida and I was all but begging my 16 month old to say one word, ANY WORD, and he was boo-hooing. Finally I gave in, put his paci in his mouth and he grabbed my arms and put em around his neck and patted my shoulder.

I can't push him. He will do it when he is ready. He loves me and I love him and that is all.that.matters.

FAR TOO OFTEN I LOSE SIGHT OF WHAT TRULY MATTERS!

I miss Simon so much... so much that my hair is literally falling out due to all the stress that comes along with being the only parent our babies have for 6 months. Simon is missing so much and it breaks my heart. Karlynn is rolling over, she smiles ALL THE TIME, she coo's and laughs and it melts my heart. She will be a totally different person when he gets home. I dream of the day we get to run up to him as he steps off the bus at the squadron. OMG- I get teary eyed just dreaming about it now. My baby boy will finally have his daddy back.. (which by the way is the ONLY word he says)!  It seems so far away. Waiting everyday for a phone call, and hoping we get to skype once a week... ugh- I need him back! Life is so much better when he is here!

Oh well, I have a little sleeping beauty laying next to me right now and she needs to be put in her bed... time to thank God for all my little blessings...

I'll leave you with a few pics from our quick FL trip!

My lil angels...

Everyone says it. I know every mother is guilty at some point, and says their babies are angels. Well.... Mine truly are. God gave them to me to pull me out of this deep dark hole I occasionally slip into. He knew I would need them long before I ever knew I would even have them. They bring me so much joy, even when I am about to pull my hair out, yes they still make my heart smile.

I dread the day that Gray or Karlynn asks me who Karson is. I have been getting practice with my sweet nephew, Conner. Here lately he has been asking so many questions about him, like: Where he is, why someone hurt him, and if he is ever coming back. God love him, he helps me in more ways than his little brain can even fathom. Sometimes it is so hard trying to tell him why he isn't coming back... and why we can't have another Karson. He is only my nephew and I get choked up, I can't imagine having to explain it to his brother and sister. But I guess I will face that challenge when it arises.

In the meantime, I made them a book online and ordered it... I cannot wait to get it. It is filled with pictures of him and stories of him and I wrote it as if it were a book he wrote and left for his brother and sister... I cried the ENTIRE time I wrote it, but it was almost theraputic because it was preparing me for the day Grayson wants to know. 'On Angel's Wings' is the name of it. And basically it talks about how he will always be with them through out their life and he talks directly to both of them in parts telling Karlynn that he was with God as he was making her into the little lady she is and how he got to meet her before her mommy did. And tells Gray that everytime he falls and gets a bobo, that he (kar) is the one who always helps him up and dusts off his battle scars. Anyways the tittle comes from: "When you fall I will help you up and you can rest on my Angel wings." which is a recurring line in the book.

I am very excited about it!

Hopefully it will be their favorite bedtime story!

I am so thankful for them all 3 of them... and they really are my lil angels!

night <3

Well last night I got to celebrate Kacey's 21st birthday with her! I am pretty sure she loved her gift, because we had a BLAST at the Jake Owen/Keith Urban concert!

We made so many memories that will last forever, and got to catch up on some much needed gossip, which is always fun!

True friends are hard to come by but I know I can always count on her! I am so thankful for her and I hope she continues to have an AWSOME birthday weekend...

I know everyone says that every mommy needs a night or two to themselves, but even as much fun as I had I missed my babies like crazy! I always feel guilty leaving them with someone for me to go enjoy myself, and of course its always hard to fully enjoy yourself bc in the back of my mind, my babies are constantly on my mind! 

Oh well, here are a few pictures from last night.. I dont have many, because I was too busy dancing and singin my lil heart out!

<3



It's EVERYTHING to me!

All day today, I was thinking about what I could blog about tonight... (yes, because I was that excited about starting my blog) But I started racking my brain about something that I would wanna read later on, looking back at this another day that would be a pick me up when spirits are a little low... and I decided that I wanted to say what family means to me!

FAMILY:

What is it really??? It is a way of life for these Martin's. Its a verb not a noun... it's how we face every trial that comes our way. We live and breathe, and we eat and sleep, fight and laugh as a family! I have now more than ever realized what the true meaning of a family is.

May 17, 2010.

I figure if this blog is to remind me one day of my life I better include the main event that made me as strong as I am. May 17, 2010 was the day I lost my baby boy Karson. That day is still so fresh on my mind. I woke up preparing for what I thought would be a hard day for our family, only because we were burrying my husbands grandmother. I woke up earlier than usual to bathe my babies and get them dressed in their Sunday's best. We all 4 slept in a King sized that night, and it was the last time we all slept together. I got Kar out of his yellow monkey pjs and washed the previous day off of him and dressed him in a baby blue sailor jonjon... Not knowing that a few days later I would lay him to rest eternally in that very outfit.

We went to the funeral where he of course had to go to the nursery bc he was too wild to sit through a service... then we went to the graveside where I figured he would be so wild but he was unusually calm and almost seemed to be at peace frolicking around and picking up rocks (or balls). Then we went back to the Martin house to change and go to Mrs Gladys' house to enjoy family time.... thats when it all happened. When my world collapsed at the very instant of the words being spoken to me "Valerie, we have to go... Its Karson"

I thought someone was playing a cruel joke on me... I was just laughing and making jokes with my nutjob of a sister in law, Leigh. How could things have gone wrong so quickly. I didnt have time for questions. We rushed to the ER in Prentiss where my baby lay there helpless. He was already with our Heavenly Father... but this day is one I wish I could erase from my mind but it's there... etched permanently on my brain! 

You may be asking yourself how can this one event relate to this blog topic I have chosen... How can losing such a vital piece of one's family be the soul topic of "family"? Because it took me losing him to realize no breath is promised to us... and every moment we have together is a pure joy and blessing. When all this was happening to my beautiful little family, people were crawling out of the woodwork to help us. Trying everything and anything to help ease the pain for us. 

Family doesnt have to have the same last name. Its someone who is there willingly, not because they have to be. Its someone who will answer at 3am because your heart is breaking and you need someone to just sit and listen to you fall apart again. Family is not turning your back on someone regardless of what they may be going through. Its rising out of the ashes to see the beauty before you. Family is about coming together after falling apart.

Right now my husband is halfway around the world and I know his heart is yearning to be with us. Yet, again this, so bold of a word becomes etched onto my heart again... FAMILY. Its knowing that my husband is so far away but someone just an hour away will spend the entire day with me just so they can ease the pain of my family being ripped apart again. Its my sister coming over to make me laugh til I cry. Its my mom telling me that she loves me EVERY time she hangs up the phone because she never knows when it could be the last time she tells me. Family is NOT kicking someone to the curb bc someone tells you its not cool for them to be around. 

My heart hurts tonight for several reasons and I know this entry was totally scatterbrained but thats how I feel. I miss my husband. I miss my baby. I miss my sister-in-law and her babies... I miss so much. 

I just want to go back to May 16, 2010 when my family was still together!

So... what is family? It's EVERYTHING to me.

goodnight <3

pictures of family.